Divorce is the death of a relationship as well as the death of your dreams. It has a unique set of grief triggers due to the fact that the person with whom you’re parting with does not go away.

You may still interact in significant ways such as co-parenting, dealing with extended family, and financial issues. You realize that cutting the legal bond is just a small part of the whole divorce experience.

Furthermore, your moods may swing between euphoria, rage, and depression.

Going through a divorce strips most people of their sense of security. Going from being one of the married couple to a single person usually means half or less of income. The life you knew with your spouse, the routine with your family and your mutual friends all change.

In a divorce, you are asked to turn your well-being over to a number of different professionals such as accountants, attorneys, and counselors. Your finances and emotional welfare can feel as if your life depends on their performance.

There are five emotional and mental stages that follow a great loss. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance in that order. You must experience each and every stage of grief before you can move on. The length of the process varies from person to person.

During the grief process, you may not feel fully yourself because you are likely to become preoccupied with one or more of these stages of grieving, while also trying to keep up with the events of your current life and figure out what lies ahead.

Denial is the first stage and it is the negating of reality. It comes upon us when something happens that goes against what we think should be happening.

Anger is the second stage. You may be angry with yourself for regretting your choices or feeling you stayed too long or wasted all of your good years.

Bargaining is probably the most elusive stage of the grief process. Bargaining comes from having the hope that things might turn out differently or from having regrets about what went wrong in the marriage.

Depression is the most uncomfortable of the five grieving stages and it can be debilitating. Understanding that deep sadness is a necessary part of healing can help you stay with the discomfort.

Acceptance is the final stage and comes when you stop focusing on the past, but learn from it and begin to apply that wisdom to choices ahead of you.

Some tips for getting through this tumultuous time include:

1. Spending time with those who support you.

2. Talking to others who have survived the divorce process.

3. Joining or starting a divorce support group.

4. Planning social activities with other single or divorced friends.

5. Eating well and exercise frequently. Get enough sleep. Take time out for yourself. Listen to soothing music.

6. Remember that divorce can open the way to a better living situation, a more satisfying career and even healthier relationships.

Jean Scott, LCSW, RN is a counselor with Albemarle Counseling Group. She may be reached at 252-335-2018