Tuesday wasn't a very happy Earth Day.

My dad called me to wish me a happy day but by the end of it I was dizzy from spinning yarns of doom and gloom that descended into a deep and sharp chasm of despair revolving around gas prices. I wondered if my chicken and mashed potatoes dinner that night would be the last my consumerist soul would see of sustenance in a great while. The fact that the Pennsylvania primary was my only distraction was not much of a comfort.

I think it's gotten to the point where the word green melts away every time I see it to form the word guilt. A short litany of my sins against the earth will illustrate my point.

I take long showers, I keep more than one light on in the house sometimes, I do not keep an airtight domicile, I kept the heat on more than I ought to have in the winter, I live in an apartment that could probably fit a large family in a pinch and — worst of all — I drive a car.

How do I mitigate these sins?

I bought one of those green bag things at Farm Fresh that I only used the first time I bought it. I probably would use it more except that sometimes I need to go to different stores and don't want to insult the Food Lion people with the Farm Fresh bag. It doesn't hold much anyway.

I'm growing a few vegetable plants. Granted the sum total would probably feed two small and not very impoverished children, and that's if these plants survive. I don't litter, I shop at thrift stores, I read books from the library instead of buying, and I recycle.

I suppose I could plead my case to the earth by saying that it's not because I'm trying to leave a big energy footprint that I do these things. But who does it for that reason?

It's just not at the top of my list. And I have my reasons or excuses.

I take long showers because it's calming. I keep the lights on when I feel too alone, and I keep the heat on more than I should because in certain places in civilization, (Read: Florida) nature's already done that for you. And for my biggest sin: I drive the car to be free. I go to the Outer Banks to get close to the sun and to say, "I can do this and nobody can stop me" in an era when the world is at its most controlling and, once people choose a path, like pressing a button, it seems like most freedom is taken away.

But I suppose nobody said it would be easy. And as life becomes more complex, so do right and wrong. Just as it is wrong to take someone's purse, it must be wrong to take more than you need especially when so many, even in our community, are low on food, life and hope. To borrow from a noted white, male windbag, it's inconvenient to be truly green.